If I Fell
by The Starkiller
Summary: In the afterlife, Holly McFarlane wonders what her life might have been if things had worked the way they were supposed to in the year 1964. After consideration by Jesus Christ, her wish is granted. Will knowing what might have happened be worth it?


**Hey, Beatle People! Sorry I've been away from Beatles fanfiction for so long! I went through little spots of being inspired for this one shot and being completely blocked. I'm sorry if the ending is sort of half-assed, but I decided that I was finishing this story _tonight_, goddammit! I really did enjoy writing this, since I have all of these little "ghost plots", if you will, about Holly and George, and a whole lot of what-ifs? that would otherwise pointlessly bounce around in the cavern that is my tortured noggin. As George said about making _All Things Must Pass_, it was a little like going to the bathroom snd letting it all out.**

**This will be the last story I write with Holly in it, besides finishing The Time Of My Life and Yesterday. I have a prequel, a main story, and a sequel, that should be fine. This isn't Star Trek here! I don't need two million sequels!**

**Also, I wanted to thank and dedicate this to Naturelover422, MissWoolHat, and a guest reviewer named Shelby. All three of them told me that they would read this if I put it out there. Not only that, but they thought it would be extremely fab! So at least I know I'll have three reads, thanks guys :)**

**Enough with my rambling, on with the show!**

If I Fell

My consciousness adjusted to the white light, and I held back an obscenity as I winced at the brightness. I held my hand up to block the light, and I observed that the hand was almost thirty years younger than the one I had gotten used to. I looked at the man standing over me. He reminded me of John on the _Abbey Road_ cover, white suit and all. I laughed at the irony of John looking like Jesus.

"You _are _Jesus, right?" I asked as I stood up and looked at my arm, slightly thinner than it was yesterday morning (or was it last week? A month ago? Time doesn't exist seem to exist there). I also noticed that the skin was tighter. "Can I see my appearance, please?" I asked as an afterthought. He rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you may," Jesus told me, though he did not confirm his identity. "Only a mortal would be so concerned about something so trivial." He led me to a river so I could look at my own reflection. I stared at my twenty teo year old self.

"Woah..." I whispered. "Why do I appear this way? In my mortal life, I was forty eight!"

"We all reflect who we were happiest as in the mortal world," Jesus told me. "Now, you are to be transferred-"

"Wait, what? I thought there was only one Heaven?" I asked. Jesus shook his head as he made marks on his clipboard.

"There are many divisions of Heaven, kid," he said simply. "Now, then, you will-"

"Could you show me something before I go?" I asked. "I feel that I could truly rest then."

Jesus rolled his eyes again. "You really shouldn't make a habit of interrupting Jesus Christ, but yes, I will listen to your request."

"Will you show me what would of happened if Lilian had made it and George and I worked out?" I asked politely so as to not upset him any further.

Jesus looked like he was struggling to come to a final answer, "...Fine. I don't see any harm, but the Big Guy will not be happy I did this." I smiled gratefully.

"Ta, sir!" I replied happily.

He touched my forehead with his finger, and I was gone like Lucy in the Sky.

_-24 May, 1964-_

_Doctor Martin took over ultrasound duties from Doctor Robert, who watched a younger doctor do what he had done for thirty years with new fangled technology. _I was amazed watching this, though it was more like reliving it.

_"See that?" he pointed. "That's your baby. Everything looks like it's progressing smoothly." _

_George grinned ecstatically as he squeezed my hand. __"Look at that, Holly!" he whispered excitedly. "We made that!"_

_"Our very own little McHarrison baby," I whispered back, his happiness instanly spreading to me. How could it not? "It looks like sea monkey." _

_George only laughed and kissed me. __"I love you."_

_"I love you too, Geo."_

_-30 August, 1964-_

_I rolled over uncomfortably, and stared at George's sleeping body, the clock (3:15 AM), then my own bulging stomach. _

_"Ugh, would you get a move on already? I haven't slept for four months!" I whispered frustratedly to my unborn baby. I had already passed my due date as it was, and I was getting more and more impatient. _

_George rolled over and sighed comfortably in his sleep. "Typical," I commented I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, and winced. "Fuck, ow!" I exclaimed. I felt slightly... wet. Realization dawned on me. _

_I shook George back and forth. "Geo!" I whisper-yelled. "Goddammit, wake up!" _

_"Wha'sthematter?" my fiancé asked tiredly as he looked in my eyes with a dazed expression. I didn't blame the poor bloke. I had already had him up at one that morning so he could get me some emergency chocolate from my stash in the cupboard. _

_"I-I think I'm having the baby," I told him. Suddenly, I felt a great wave of fear wash over me as another contraction hit. _

_George's eyes bulged, and he jumped out of bed and helped me out as well. We hastily dressed, and ran to the car- well, as fast a soon-not-to-be-pregnant Beatle Wife and a Beatle can run. George began to drive, with a calmly maddened expression on his face. _

_George looked over at me. He grinned nervously and asked, "Are we ready for this?" I grinned back._

_"Not at all. But hey, it'll be alright. After all, I got you, babe," I replied, and his grin softened. Another sharp pain coursed through my body, and I gripped George's hand. _

_"I've never been more glad you're a guitarist and keep yer nails short," George muttered. I laughed at his feeble attempt at humor. _

_"I'm glad I could make this experience easier for you, George," I told him with a smile playing at my lips. _

_We drove the rest of the way in relative silence, The Rolling Stones singing "Heart of Stone" playing in the backround softly. _

_We arrived at our destination quickly, but didn't actually get inside quickly. _

_"George! What are you doing?!" I yelled at him in surprise as I was scooped into his arms wedding style. _

_"Well, you keep stopping every five minutes to squeeze my hand, I didn't want you to have the damn thing in the parking lot," George told me, as if it were obvious. I rolled my eyes. "How much does it hurt?" he asked me quietly. _

_"Well, it's not pleasurable like drinking a cup of tea, you know," I told him, not being able to find a way to describe this feeling. It was much too complex. _

_"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm an idiot."_

_"It takes two," I replied. "And you're my idiot, just like I'm your loser." _

_George looked down at me before we walked into the doors and they whisked me away, __"Let's do this thing."_

_-31 August, 1964-_

_I looked down at my new daughter, thinking about how she was the perfect combination of George and I. She had a head full of brunette hair, my eyes, my lips, and George's nose. _

_"She's so beautiful," he whispered to me while he played with his daughter's balled fist. _

_"All because of you," I replied back as she sighed in her sleep. George only smiled widely at me, too high on the euphoria of being a new father to refute my comment._

_"Lilian Harrison- such a sweet sound," George whispered, and looked from me to his little girl. I could already tell she had him wrapped around her tiny finger. "I can't believe I'm so incredibly fortunate that I get to spend this rest of my life with the two most beautiful girls in the world." I didn't reply, I only smiled. I too was euphoric about being a new mum, despite having given birth two hours before._

_"We're going to have thirty of them, right?" I asked. _

_George laughed, __"Yep."_

_-2 September, 1964-_

_Through the door of the hospital room came what I estimated to be a two ton stuffed panda, followed by Paul and Ringo, who were carrying the thing, and John. _

_"His name is Arthur," Ringo explained as he and Paul set Arthur down in a chair._

_"His diet mainly consists of corn flakes," Paul added as he made his way to see the child in my arms. He smiled at her, and to his delight, she smiled back. "She's so... little," Paul observed in awe. I shrugged. _

_"She's a baby, Macca," I reminded him. "She's bound to be little." He stuck his tongue out at me._

_"She's got Harri's cheekbones," Ringo commented as he stroked Arthur's furry head absentmindedly. So Ringo._

_"Yeah, but she looks more like Holly, I think," George replied. _

_"No way, she looks just like you!" I argued. _

_"I dunno what yer all on about, you two look the same to me anyways," John replied, looking at my daughter with a softened look, something I'd never associated with John Lennon. _

_"Want to hold her?" I asked him. John shrugged indifferently and made and awkward cradle with his arms. I placed Lilian in it, and John sat down in the chair opposite Arthur. _

_"Hi Lili," he said quietly to her while he rocked her back and forth. "It's Uncle Johnny. I want to take the chance to formally apologize for you having to grow up in such a fucked up crazy life, but that's ok, 'cause you've got yer daddy and mummy here to guide you through it-they're two of the best people I've ever met, you know-and Uncle Paulie, who's the best friend a man could ask for, and Uncle Ringo, who always knows how to lighten a situation and make it better. And the there's me. So, this is my personal Welcome To This Weirder-Than-Fuck Life as a Beatle's Kid. Good luck, kid. Yu're gonna need it."_

_-23 October, 1964-_

_I swallowed, and drummed my fingers against the skirt of my dress. _

_"Nervous, love?" Jim McCartney asked me. _

_"Yeah," I answered, and tapped my high heeled foot rapidly. _

_"Don't worry, it'll all go away when you get out there and see George," my adoptive father assured me. _

_I smiled, "Thanks, Dad." _

_It was finally our turn to walk down the aisle, and I looked at all of the faces. Cynthia and John smiled at me. John made my sleeping daughter wave a balled fist at me. Ringo winked at me. My sister, her family, my brother, and Mike McCartney gave me reassuring smiles from the "family of the bride" section. _

_And then I saw George. His already wide smiled broadened as he locked eyes with me. Whatever had been going through my mind disappeared, just like Mr. McCartney had said it would. I took his hands, and gave our attention to the minister. I hate to admit it, but I tuned in and out during my own wedding ceremony. It isn't my fault they're boring..._

_"George Harold Harrison, will you take this women as your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both should live?" _

_George smiled at me as he stared into my eyes, "I will."_

_"Holly Nicole McFarlane, do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both should live?" _

_I glanced at Paul (who was playing best man) over George's shoulder. He caught my gaze and winked at me, mouthing "Do it already!". _

_I smiled confidently, looked back at George, and replied, "Quite right." _

_"I declare you two husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." _

_And George kissed the bride. Believe me._

_-13 January, 1966- _

_"Lili, want to go to the studio and visit Daddy and your Uncle Beatles?" I asked my two year old daughter. _

_"Yes!" Lilian replied eagerly, and beat me to the car. __We took off, I listening to the endless chatter of the innocent things deemed important in the life of a toddler. _

_I parked in front of EMI, and Lilian shot out of the car like a bullet, little brown braids bouncing behind her._

_"Lili, honey, wait for Mummy!" I called after her. We were still working on 'look twice before you cross the street'. Luckily, there hadn't been any cars coming anyways, and I got across the street just in time. I grabbed Lilian's hand, and we walked inside the familiar walls of EMI Studios. Lilian broke free of my hold on her when she saw George fooling around on his guitar. _

_"Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy!" she screamed and hopped up onto his lap. Luckily, George heard her and caught her. _

_"'Ello, love!" George said to his daughter as he put an arm around her. She smiled at him. Lilian got my smile. _

_"Mummy's here too, y'know, Dad," I hinted to him as I sat down on his other leg. _

_"I didn't forget you. Hi, sweetheart." George gave me a 'hello' kiss before I got up to go find another chair. Lilian's small enough to fit on his knee along with his guitar, but my ass is just too damn big. _

_"What were you playing, Daddy?" Lilian asked him. _

_"Oh, just a something I've had in my mind for a bit," George replied, and looked down at the strings. "Hey Lil, want to play with me?" She nodded eagerly. _

_George handed her the pick, and took her little fingers and tried to position them in a chord far up the neck so the frets were closer. He kept his fingers over hers so she pushed down hard enough. _

_"Ok, honey, now strum from the fourth string down," he instructed. She did._

_"This hurts my fingers!" Lilian complained. _

_"You get used to it, it'll get better when your fingers get cal- all hard like mine," George replied, stopping himself from saying 'calloused' since he remembered Lilian didn't know what callouses were. _

_I smiled at them, amused. "__Lilian Harrison: Most Electrifying Guitarist in England," I joked._

_-30 January, 1966- _

_"I'm glad you've finally got a day off, Geo," I told him as I played with his fingers. "I've missed you." _

_"Why, love?" George asked me. "I've always been here."_

_"Damn hard to spend time with you when you're snoring away!" I protested. "I'm also glad that Lil is napping, I've been wanting to talk to you anyways." _

_George glanced at his watch, "Well, it looks like we have approximately... two hours to talk about whatever you like! Or," he said slyly, "we don't have to talk at all if you don't want." I rolled my eyes at him. _

_It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. _

_"Well, guess what?" I asked, then added, "If you guess right we don't have to talk anymore than you want to." _

_"Is it good or bad?" he asked. _

_"It could be seen as either, I suppose," I answered, though I knew that George would definitely consider it a good thing. _

_"Your sister lost her job and she, Lucy, Michael and the brother-in-law are moving in?" George guessed. _

_"Access denied," I groaned. _

_He blushed, then pleaded, "Can I have another clue?" _

_"It has to do with me."_

_"Strawberry Fields is opening a store in Blackpool?" he guessed again. _

_"Not even close!" I moaned. "How far away from 'I'm pregnant' can you get?!"_

_"You're pregnant?" George asked, a smile playing at his lips. "We're getting another little McHarrison?"_

_"Did I not just tell you that?" I asked rhetorically. "You're an idiot." _

_"Remember what you told me the night Lilian was born?" George said, taking me in his arms. "That even though I'm an idiot I'm your idiot?" I smiled at the memory, despite all of the pain attached to it._

_"Yeah, just like how I'm your loser," I finished, and we kissed. _

_George was silent for a moment, then he broke it, "Can I have my prize yet?"_

_-28 July, 1966- _

_My husband and two year old daughter stood in the doorway, staring at me with love, amusement, and awe. George and I had been wondering how this moment would go for the last six months, and I was eager to find out. _

_"Well, come 'ere, Lilian, aren't you going to come see your new sister?" I asked her. _

_She nodded, almost like she was afraid of the tiny human in my arms. George nudged her through the door, and she walked over to us. He pulled a chair over, then lifted Lilian up so she could sit on the bed with me. _

_"Lilian, meet Jessica Marie Harrison," George told her. "She's your baby sister. Jessie, meet Lilian, your big sister." _

_"Jessica Marie is a long name for a baby," Lilian commented as she tried to get a glimpse at her sister. I pulled the edge of the pink blanket down for her to reveal a baby girl with little tufts of curly brown hair, George's brown eyes and my nose and lips. _

_"We won't call her that all the time, silly!" I ruffled my oldest daughter's hair. "Only Jessica. Unless she's in trouble, then she'll be 'Jessica Marie Harrison!'." Lilian giggled. "Just like your name is Lilian Kay Harrison," I added when she was done laughing._

_"It is?" she asked. I laughed. _

_"Yes it is!" I paused for a moment, "Do you want to hold her?" _

_Lilian hesitated, then nodded. She crawled into my lap, then I taught her to make a cradle with her arms, and I placed little two day old Jessie Harrison in Lilian's small arms. I put mine around her's to make sure she wouldn't drop the baby. Jessie made eye contact with her older sister for a brief moment, and she smiled. _

_"She smiled at me, Mummy!" Lilian exclaimed with awe. "She smiled!" _

_George put his arm around us all, and grinned, __"One great big happy family."_

_-13 April, 1967- _

_I heard voices at the door, but I couldn't make out who it was, except for George's voice, of course, who answered the door. _

_"Holl!" he yelled up the stairs. "John's here to see you!" _

_Lilian ran down the stairs to see him, being the little bolt of energy she was in those days._

_"Uncle Johnny!" she squealed with delight. _

_"Hey there Lil!" John came up the stairs with a giggling Lilian hanging by her ankles over his shoulder. John had always been Lilian's favorite, she had him wrapped around her three year old finger more than George was. He set her down, she was still laughing. _

_"Uncle John! Will you come play with me?" Lilian asked him. She was visibly disappointed that John hadn't brought Julian with (they were best friends), but John was the next best thing. John grinned and pulled on her pigtails playfully._

_"I will in a a mo', but first I want to have a talk with your mum," he promised. "Perhaps Dad'll play with ye' while I'm busy?" _

_George smiled, __"Will do." He took his daughter's small hand in his own big adult one, and they set off down the hall. I shifted Jessie from one arm to the other._

_"'Ave a seat, Lennon," I told him, overdoing the Scouse, then changing accents entirely. __"Vhat vould you like to to talk about?"_

_"I..." John started, then he trailed off. Finally, he sighed and came out with it. "I'm not happy." _

_"With what?" _

_"Happy in my marriage, happy as a father, happy as a Beatle," John answered. "You're smarter than I am. Help me, please." He looked like he needed a cig, but the days of smoking inside of the Harrison house were long gone as parenthood replaced our casual smoking habits. _

_"Let's start with your marriage then," I said. "Tell me how you feel. Besides unhappy." _

_"Trapped. Suffocated," John said simply. "It's not anything Cynthia did at all, I-I just feel caged." _

_"When was the last time you two went out together, or had Cyn's mum watch Jules and you two had a weekend, or just fucked or __**anything**__?" I asked, trying think back to how they seemed around each other the last time we were at their house. _

_"Christ, I don't even remember," John replied while he rubbed his temples. He sounded like he couldn't believe it. _

_"That's probably why you aren't happy being a father," I pointed out, as if it should be obvious. "You might secretly resent Jules for you and Cynthia's distance (whether you know it or not). As for the Beatle thing, get out and get some other friends besides the Beatles or me, because you can't be pissed at those friends for something that happened in the studio." _

_John pushed his glasses up his nose. __"I never looked at it that way. How the hell do you give such great advice anyways?" John asked._

_"I listen and observe rather than run my gob all the time," I replied. _

_He kissed my cheek.__"Ta love," he thanked me. John tickled Jessie and she giggled in that cute baby giggle they all have. "How're you doing Jess?" John asked her. Jessie cooed at him. "I'm fab now, thanks for asking!" He started down the hallway. "See you later McHarrison-"-John had called me McHarrison after I was married-"it seems I've a date with a little miss Lilian Harrison!"_

_And that's how I, Holly McFarlane Harrison, saved a marriage. And three lives. _

_-8 February, 1970-_

_"I'm home everyone!" George called from the bottom of the stairs. I looked at the clock: 8:45 PM. My six and four year old daughters ran in their pajamas to greet their father. _

_"Daddy!" they chorused. _

_"Hello girls!" George came up the stairs with one giggling brown haired girl under each arm. He set them down and walked over to give me a kiss. "Hello my love," George said to me. _

_"Hello yourself," I replied, setting down my book. "You're home early."_

_"Dad! Read us a story?" Lilian interrupted our exchange. _

_"Didn't Mum read you two a story already?" George asked as he raised an eyebrow at his daughters. _

_"Yeah, but that's not the same! Mummy reads to us all the time! You're never home!" Jess protested. _

_George sighed, though Jess's comment about him never being home visibly hurt him. __He's got a weakness for big brown eyes. That's why I've got a room flr just my guitars and two daughters, you see._

_"Alright. Go get into bed, I'll be there in a mo'. I need to talk to Mum," George agreed. _

_They ran off to Lilian's room, waiting to get a story from their father, who is typically home at 2:00 AM._

_"Make it quick, Geo," I told him as I played with the bottom of his shirt, running my hands up it and over his stomach. "I don't really feel like talking tonight." _

_He sighed with longing and frustration, "I'm sure you will when I tell you this. I've got news." _

_"Spit it out, what is it?" I asked. _

_"We finished the album today," George said, but something in the way he was talking to his feet told me that wasn't all._

_"That's great, George," I replied. "But remember how my big rule in life is 'omit needless words'? You're omitting some extremely __needful words__." _

_My husband looked at me in the defeat and awe that a husband will when his wife reads him like a book._

_"We finished The Beatles as well," he admitted. _

_"What?!" I exclaimed. I knew what exactly went down at the studio, but that didn't make it any less shocking. "B-But they're your brothers!" _

_"Yes, but I'm the baby brother," George answered bitterly. "I don't get to do anything. If Paul wasn't so fucking bossy and John pushed him a little more and Ringo spoke up and they all listened to me..." I put my hand on his arm._

_"Surely you don't mean that," I said as if I were calmly chastising one of our daughters. _

_"I do. Come with me." George took my hand and led me to our bedroom. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and (carefully, if that makes any sense) tossed fistfuls of handwritten songs onto the bed. I picked them up. Some had lyrics, some were only melodies with scribbled chords and other musical notes all over. _

_"How many are there?" I breathed. _

_"The drawer isn't even empty," George informed me. "Do you see my point?" _

_"How many Harrisongs are on this new album?" I asked instead of answering. _

_"Two," he replied as he looked at the bed full of paper. _

_"And the rest are Lennon-McCartney?" We all knew full well that there hasn't been a legitimate Lennon-McCartney song in years, but they were bound to an agreement that they had made as younger men. _

_"One is a Starrisong," George corrected. _

_I looked down at the papers in my hand, reading the little snippets of words and chords. I sighed, accepting that one of the most constant things in my life was over. _

_"Well, I suppose all we can do is look on the bright side," I said as I set down the songs that were in my hand. George held me._

_"We could dump the kids at John's and finally go on that damn honeymoon," George offered. _

_When we were married six years before, I had recently given birth a month before and wasn't feeling quite up to a honeymoon, and Beatlemania had postponed it even further. The fact that we had been married for six years without a proper honeymoon was just plain mad. _

_"There's the spirit!" I encouraged. "And I bet you could make a triple album with all of those songs."_

_"I'm quite sure that I could. Now help me clear all of this paper off of here and make love to you like I've been fantasizing about for weeks," George ordered me._

_"Nope! You've two girls in the next room who are waiting for their daddy to read them a story..." I reminded George. _

_"Damn..."_

_-12 March, 1970- _

_"Are you sure you didn't forget anything?" I asked Lilian again as she rolled her eyes._

_"Yes, Mum!" my daughter assured me as she gripped Jessie's hand. _

_"Don't worry about them!" Cynthia told me while she put a hand on my shoulder. _

_"They'll be fine at Uncle Johnny's, won't they?" John asked my daughters with a grin. _

_"Yes!" they both chorused. _

_"C'mon, love, we'll miss the flight," George reminded me from where he was standing behind me. I sighed. _

_"Fine." I waved goodbye, and got in the passenger seat of the car. Cynthia, John, Julian, Lilian and Jessie all waved back to me. Slowly, they got further and further away until I could no longer see any of them. Halfway down the road, George grinned at me. _

_"I'm so excited for this trip," he said as he took my hand. I smiled. _

_"So am I. Mmm... hot sex with George Harrison, former __Beatle..." I said jokingly._

_"Trust me, the feeling is mutual." _

_We arrived at the airport and hung out in gate C14 for thirty minutes, and finally it was our turn to board... Then, we looked at our boarding passes and realized that George was in seat A12 and I was in seat B3. _

_"Oh, holy fuckin' hell," I groaned as I looked away from our boarding passes, hoping I would cry like I wanted to. It was my fucking honeymoon, andon top of everything that had gone wrong that morning, I found out some other person with sitting with my husband on our flight._

_"It's alright love," George reassured me. "We can do some haggling with whoever's next to me."_

_"Why is our romance always so fucked up?" I complained as we stepped into the airplane. _

_"Because if it wasn't, it would be boring and you'd have left me long ago," George replied. I laughed, knowing how right he was. _

_We got to George's row, and I bent down to talk to the seated (older) man in what would hopefully be my seat soon. I figured one of two things would happen: he'd let me, or he'd be too crotchety to move. _

_"'Ey mister?" I asked him. He looked up at me. _

_"Yes?" _

_"Er, I'm sorry to bother you, but my husband and I are supposed to be on our way to our honeymoon, but we just found out we sit nowhere remotely close to each other. Would you mind terribly if I switched with you?" I explained. He smiled knowingly._

_"I've been there before, love. S'no problem at all." He got up and moved to my seat as I thanked him profusely. We sat down in our new seats and half-listened to the safety procedures. _

_"I told you it would be fine," George whispered. I smiled at him. _

_"Have I told you lately that I love you?" I sang to him softly while Kevin the flight attendant told us what to do if the plane crashes. _

_"Have now." _

_"Next stop, Florida," I told him. Why Florida, you ask? Because I had never been there in my life, and I'd always wanted to go. So naturally, George chose Florida when I asked Where we were going. Happy wife, happy life._

_"As long as I get to finally make love to you the good way, I don't care if our honeymoon is in the bathroom on the airplane," George said. I laughed, and I thought about what he meant by the good way. When you know that there was nothing waiting for you and you could do it as slow or fast or often as you want. You know, the good way. _

_-14 April, 1970- _

_"Geo!" I called in a singsong voice from the loo as I held the little stick in my hand. _

_"You aren't dying, are you?" George asked as he appeared in the doorway. I held up my pregnancy test that had the little '+' on it. _

_"No, but the honeymoon did what honeymoons were designed for," I said, trying to see his reaction. I saw his reaction when he picked me up and whirled me around. _

_"Woman, have I ever told you I love you?" George asked me as he set me back down on the ground. _

_"Nope, but thanks," I said sarcastically. _

_"I'm excited for this one. We get to show this baby a world that isn't in the throes of Beatlemania. Imagine that!" George told me ecstatically, as he took my hands. _

_"I'm glad you're happy." _

_A few hours later, I got on the phone with my doc (call Doctor Robert!), and set myself up for an appointment the following week. _

_That night as I went to bed and took off my wedding band, I looked at the inscription inside of it: "I'll love you 'til the end of time". I laughed as I thought about the inscription I threw inside of George's when I found out through the grapevine (Paul) what mine was: "I'm praying for the end of time! Just kidding Geo, I love you." _

_I'd never been happier in my entire life than I was at that moment, falling asleep next to the best man in the world. _

_-12 May, 1970- _

_I rolled over in the bed, getting myself cozy under George's arm. _

_"Mmm...?" he asked in sleepspeak. "What's wet on my leg?" George rephrased. I furrowed my eyebrows as I ran my fingers across George's thigh, and they came away wet. I sat up and pulled the covers away. George craned his neck, and we both saw that I was sitting in a pool of blood, soaking itself into the new white sheets. _

_"Holy shit, Geo!" I whisper-yelled, remembering my sleeping daughters in the room next to us. "I'm bleeding all over!" _

_"Stay here, I'm going to go call Cyn and John to come watch Lil and Jessie," George instructed me as he got up and rushed out of the room. I followed him with my eyes; there was a red stain of my blood on his boxers as well as my own. I told myself over and over not to look at the blood and to keep calm, but it was so hard. _

_"Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts," I whispered to myself. _

_George reappeared and lifted me out of bed, not even bothering to put any pants on. I was at least able to convince him to wrap me in a blanket so I wouldn't stain the seat in the car. The car started, and we were off into the city. George was wearing the same maddening calm expression that he had when Lilian and Jessica were born, but without the essence of happiness. _

_"Why is it so fucking cold all of a sudden?" I asked George. I pulled the blanket closer around my body, though I was still shivering. My husband tightened his grip on my hand. _

_"It'll all be fine, love. You're nice and warm," he reassured me. I shook my head firmly. _

_"No, why the hell is it so cold?" I demanded. I glanced at my right hand, which was shaking terribly. My teeth started to chatter. _

_"Tell me a good story," George asked me gently. "Get yours and my mind off of this. ." _

_"I remember when we met, and you were so fucking intimidated by my reputation," I started off. "We went back to my house and Paul had to go home, but you stayed for hours and we talked and laughed all night. I was the one who got you hooked on cigarettes." _

_George laughed, "Even then I couldn't get over your confidence and beauty. You were so... intoxicating. As soon as I left that night I wanted to go back in and talk some more." _

_I nodded and yawned. __"I'm knackered," I said drowsily. "I'm going to take a nap." _

_George told me to stay awake and tell him another (it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know blood loss is BAD), but I had already slipped into the black depths of unconsciousness._

_ ..._

_My eyes fluttered open, and I looked around the white hospital room, trying to find something familiar to me. I felt a hand I hadn't known was there tighten happily around mine. _

_"Thank God you're finally awake. They said you'd be fine, but... Y'know," George told me, talking a mile a minute. My eyes drifted from my husband's reassuring and calming smile to the IV in my arm that was transporting a dark red liquid that was unmistakable as blood into my body. _

_"What happened?" I asked as I tried to sit up. George helped me sit fully up and moved my pillow to support me. _

_"We lost the baby," he whispered. I felt strangely calm, yet saddened. I said nothing for a while, only noticed things about the room in my typical analytical fashion as I came to grips with this new reality. _

_"Just get in here and hold me please," I told him softly. George got out of his chair and slid into bed next to me. His arms wrapped around me, and he held me like that for what seemed to be forever. _

_-3 June, 1980-_

_I heard music blaring from my sixteen year old daughter's room. Lilian, as per tradition, had over her best friend Julian Lennon. They had been best friends since they were very little, and he was often a fixture in my house. I wouldn't have cared about the music if Jessie hadn't ordered me to tell her to turn it down. I walked down the hallway, music growing louder and louder. _

_I knocked on the door. "Lil?" I knocked again. "Lilian!" Still no answer. I opened the door. "Lilian Kay! Turn the music fucking down. Jess says so-" I stopped talking abruptly as I saw Lilian and Julian snogging on her bed. I really should have expected it, honestly, but that didn't make it any less surprising. "Lilian Kay Harrison! What the hell is going on?" _

_My sixteen year old daughter pulled away from Julian and they both looked at me like deer in the headlights. _

_"Shit," she whispered. _

_"It appears we've been found out," Julian told her. Lilian stuck her tongue out at her-I didn't even know what to think of him as anymore. _

_"Explain," I said as I shut the door. Julian reached over and turned the volume on the radio down a few clicks. _

_"Ehm, well, we're-ah, dating," Lilian explained vaguely, still shocked and scarred from being walked in on by her mum. "And-yeah, that's about it." _

_"How long?" _

_"About a month," Julian piped in, sitting up on the bed. _

_"You sneaky little bastards," I said (slightly) jokingly. "And I don't mind. I had it of when I was younger than you, I'm not too concerned." They didn't sigh in relief yet. I cracked a grin, "Well, isn't this awkward?" They started to laugh uneasily. _

_"Just a twinge. Getting caught by your mum is every adolescent's worst nightmare," my daughter said. _

_I laughed at my own thoughts that I was having, "You're just lucky that it was I who found you." _

_"How so?" Julian asked. _

_"Your mum would yell at you two, George would rip your head off because you touched his 'innocent' daughter, and your dad would just torture you and laugh," I explained. "John would do one of three things: get pissed, torture you, or ask you how it was." _

_Lilian shivered, "Ugh, I never thought about that! Thank you!" _

_I winked. __"Don't worry, snog away! I'll distract Geo!" I told them._

_"Thanks Mum."_

_-4 December, 1982- _

_"Oh, fucking hell!" _

_I turned around to look at a frustrated and slightly angry George Harrison. _

_"What's wrong **now**?" I asked him as I turned the page of Rolling Stone. _

_"Lennon asked Lil to marry him! And what's worse, she said yes!" he complained as he flopped onto the bed, his head landing in my lap. _

_"Oh, so you found out, then," I said as I tried to read over his head. He looked up at me with astonishment. _

_"You KNEW?!" _

_"Of course I knew. She knew (as well as I and Jess knew) that you would have a fit, just like the one you're having now," I told my distressed husband matter-of-factly. "Besides, it's Julian Lennon. We've known him since he was born. He's a good kid."_

_"I suppose you're right," George admitted. _

_"As always," I quipped while I turned the page of the magazine. _

_"It frightens me how alike Lilian and you are when I compare you two," George replied. _

_"Shut your gob and kiss me."_

_-12 April, 1983- _

_"Here comes Lilian and George," I whispered to Paul. _

_"God, she's so gorgeous," Jessica said. Jess was offered the chance to be a bridesmaid, but declined and said she wanted to take pictures instead. My youngest daughter is a little more reserved and quiet than her sister, and being up there with all of those people looking at her and being under pressure to be beautiful and not trip in heels was just too much for her. Jess was a lot like her dad._

_"She looks just like you did at your wedding," Paul replied to me. "Of course, she looks like you anyways." _

_I smiled as George gaveth that woman (eighteen year old woman, mind you!). George took his place next to me. _

_"Shit, did you ever think this would happen?" John commented from beside me. _

_"I don't know, I never really stayed up late at night thinking, 'Gee, I wonder if my son will marry my best friend's daughter sometime in the future?'," Cynthia said sarcastically as she smoothed her dress and turned her attention back to the bride and groom. I was so glad Lilian said to hell with the family sections. She knew we'd want to bitch about the wedding with John and Cynthia. And if there's something we're all good at, it's bitching._

_John elbowed her, "Well, **I** knew it. Am I the only one who saw the obvious?" _

_"Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, Johnny," I replied. _

_"Now shut up, you lot, their doing the vows," Ringo and Jess hushed us._

_"John Charles Julian Lennon, do you take this woman to have and to hold, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both should live?" _

_Julian swallowed nervously, and smiled widely at his bride, "I will." _

_The minister turned to my daughter. _

_"Lilian Kay Harrison, do you take this man to have and to hold, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both should live?" _

_"Yes," she smiled, knowing she was sealing her fate, and knowing that she just grew up after saying only one word. _

_"I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." _

_Julian gathered Lilian in his arms and kissed her lips quite passionately. _

_"Hey! Tell your son to stop eating my daughter's face off!" George complained as he stomped on John's foot. I stomped on his own foot. _

_"Quit being such a party pooper! This is my one day of year to be a woman, and I'm going to fucking enjoy it, godammit!" I told my husband, and he quieted down. Once again, happy wife, happy life._

_We were whisked away to the reception, where I picked at my food, not feeling all that hungry. _

_"Where is the honeymoon going to be?" Cynthia asked me conversationally. _

_"Lots of places. They wanted to go on a road trip, Lilian figured she could get some nice pictures of the countryside to sell," I replied. My daughter, as much of a virtuoso musician she was, decided not to follow the music legacy and became a freelance photographer, something I was fiercely proud of her for. Cynthia nodded and went back to her dinner. _

_"Are you alright?" George asked me quietly. "You aren't eating-that's a sign that something is wrong." I laughed. _

_"I just realized that she's really going. She's not coming home tonight," I whispered. _

_George slipped an arm around me. "__It'll be ok. We've still got Jessica to worry about," George replied._

_"Is Mum alright?" Jessie asked from beside George. "She looks down." George grinned. _

_"We're all alright, love," he told his sixteen year old daughter. "We're all alright." _

_The reception flew by, and it was finally time for them to go. They ran out of the door followed by two million little flying pieces of rice. They got to the car, and before opening the door to the passenger sde, Lilian caught my eye and winked, mouthing "I love you" before climbing in next to her husband. _

_"Do you feel really old, or is it only me?" I asked George as we continued to wave until the car had vanished. _

_"Don't worry, I do as well," George replied. _

_"As long as we can be old together." _

_I kissed him then, feeling all the sparks I had felt when I first kissed him as my husband eighteen years ago._

Then, I was back in the white place with Christ. None of it had actually happened. All make-believe. I felt sad knowing what could have been mine. It could have been if I wasn't so goddamn independent.

But my mind then drifted off to my two children that I _did_ have back in the mortal world, my daughter and my son. The _real _memories of them played through my head, my life with them and my actual husband, and I knew I regretted nothing.

"I'm ready now," I told him. My voice sounded more... peaceful.

"You took long enough..." he muttered. "Alright, here you go..."

Then I was gone again, unafraid of what was waiting for me, there was nothing to fear at all, because I knew it had all been so wonderful. What might have been and reality.


End file.
